My original intention was to post this particular article much later in my Impressions from Germany Series, but current situations being what they are, the content is relevant. So I am publishing this article now in hopes that my experiences and thoughts can help calm some of the anxiety that many parents are now feeling.
Hello friends! I am back today with another in my Impressions from Germany series. If you have been with me since the beginning, thanks. If not, you can catch up here. I have tried throughout this series to link my thoughts and impressions back to the Dimensions of Wellness model I like so much, as I believe assessing health and wellness should not just comprise a physical traits checklist. To that end, today I’d like to talk about something I know everyone is dying to know, but that I usually just briefly mention: my kiddo.
My husband and I made our move to Germany for six months last year with our then-three year old. His age was both a blessing and a curse. While we weren’t worried about taking him out of formal schooling for a good chunk of time, he does attend day care/preschool. And three is a big age for some developmental milestones. Learning makes a huge leap in this age group as kids usually start preschool. Teachers start to watch for things like letter recognition and play becomes more directed with things like pattern development and grouping being guiding factors.
Emotional development is also huge-normous in this age group. Kids are learning to manage their own emotions and this has massive impacts on families. Control, free will, communication, and managing all of these in a group become the focus. And issues lead to frayed nerves and temper tantrums (from all parties involved).
We also recognized that we were actively remove our son from everything that was familiar and routine. And if there is anything that the research suggests is important for proper development in kids, it’s routine. Of course, the same went for my husband and I. We were leaving what we knew as familiar both as people and parents. They say it takes a village, and that couldn’t be truer. We were going to take our son out of his school and family/friends routine. By choice.
So, how did we manage without losing our minds? A couple of things were extremely helpful in our mental transition.
First, we know our kid. He likes to learn and I put together a busy binder to bring with us. Basically, I downloaded free learning sheets that were age appropriate from the internet. Printed them out and slid them into those clear page protectors. Why? Because you can write on those with dry erase markers. I also packed some of his Montessori-style toys (like lacing shapes). I also asked his daycare to continue sending us the weekly lesson plans so that I could pull a few things from it. And, of course, I asked him to choose his three favorite toys and those came with us.
Second, he is young. Research supports the idea that young kids need to move. Frequently. It is something that public school systems have disregarded in the era of testing, but the younger the kid, the more movement should be included in learning time. They work best in small batches. 30 minutes of concentration followed by 20 minutes of play and then a potty or snack break. We, as adults, also tend to forget that free and imaginative play is just as important for learning and brain development in younger kids. So, if I could give him time to play that doubled as learning, I did.
Third, my husband and I recognized from the start that we were going to be our only resources for the six month period. Now, we don’t live locally to either of our families in the States, so grandparent visits are a different ball of wax for us anyhow, but we do have a community to support us. Again, his daycare continued to send lesson plans, but we lost having play dates with the kids in the ‘hood. And our sitter. We could not call anybody to help us out.
It meant my husband and I had to communicate. Really well. Every day. We had to make the effort to discuss what each of us needed in terms of work, home management, child management, and our own mental health. Some days we rocked this. And some days we didn’t. But most of our arguments or flubs came down to communication failure of some variety.
Lastly, we had to be willing to help each other. And I don’t mean in the basic senses. Of course my husband and I worked hard to make sure our son was learning, getting enough play time, and being cared for. But he was three. Tantrums happened. We worked really hard to understand the underlying reason for the tantrum. It was rarely about the toy, FYI.
We worked really hard to help each other in that sense, too. I had to honor that my husband’s idea of taking care of his mental health (video games) is not mine, but I knew he needed that and I had to make the space for him sometimes. And he did the same for me. My birthday fell close to the end of our stay and he asked what I wanted. I only wanted a half day to myself. And I know my husband was physically and mentally tired, too, but he delivered for me.
And we helped each other practice gratitude. Now, living in Germany, it wasn’t too hard on a grand scheme of things basis. But we had our difficult days. And finding something to be thankful for during a tough day or tough stretch helps put things into perspective and provides hope.
Basically, our six months in Germany ended up being really good training for our current situation. Both my husband and I are working from home and trying to manage those demands with caring for our now four year old. The same things that worked in Germany (knowing our kid, knowing who we are, using the resources we do have, communicating well, being patient and being grateful) will be the things that help us through social distancing.
You don’t need to be perfect, or even match what works for someone else and their family, you just need to know you and yours and be honest about what works.
Until next time, be well friends!
