May is Mental Health Awareness Month and here on MMW, as I always do during this time, I concentrate my content on some of these topics. If you would like to read past content, click the Mental Health Tab under the Dimensions of Wellness Menu.
I got the idea for this post from a YouTuber I watch on the semi-regular. Her name is Jessica and she does mostly make-up and skin care reviews, but she is genuine and sweet and posts other life content, too. Check out her channel if you are interested. Anyhow, she had posted a chit chat video and the idea of having a phone call with a past version of yourself was one of the topics she addressed.
And it really stuck with me. We all have seasons in our lives that just seem… heavy. Times where we feel overly burdened and overwhelmed. Seasons that we are hopefully able to look back on with the benefit of hindsight see clearly the lessons we learned, the strength we developed, or the good that came out of it.
Even though the idea for this post came several months ago, I think this is especially relevant to a lot of us given the state the world has been in recently. So, vulnerability time here. I thought I would share a bit about my past self that could have really used a phone call from my current self.
It is somewhat ironic to me that May is Mental Health Awareness Month because in my recent past, spring seems to be the time when I have struggled with my mental health the most. I have made no secret that I suffered from postpartum depression and anxiety after my son was born. And it hit me hardest in the spring. But funnily enough, that isn’t the past me I would call.
You would need to fast forward one year. Late spring 2017. I had found a counselor and was going regularly and had worked through many of my postpartum concerns. But there were still underlying issues. Things that I had been carrying around and holding on to for years. Miscommunications and adaptation patterns that were unhealthy and causing issues for me individually and in my relationships. The most important of which was about 3 days and 1 fight away from falling apart. This, of course, added a whole new level of anxiety to life.
This is the me I would call. I was scared I wasn’t doing the right things for my son and being questioned constantly about the things I was doing. I was panicked about everything I said and did at home and whether it would start an argument. I was lost and still trying to find my tribe in terms of motherhood and personally trying to find any sort of balance that allowed me feel like me. All while doing everything for everyone else.
Basically, I was paralyzed. My life felt like one of those crazy Rube Goldberg devices and one wrong move would start a ridiculous chain reaction that could not be put back together again. I was living in the worst fear possible.
I would tell this version of me to try and take a deep breath. I would tell her that the fear she is feeling will actually end up being the start of something amazing. It won’t happen overnight, but it will happen. I would tell her to trust the person she is and to trust the person she chose to live her life with. Both of these people will surprise her, in the best possible ways.
I would tell her that she is about to see just how strong she is, mentally, emotionally, and physically. I would tell her that the paralysis she feels is actually fear of her own power. And that power, plus her determination to use it the right way, will take her family to an awesome place. That power will give her the opportunity not just to feel like herself again, but to decide what that should look like for the next season of her life.
In short, I would tell her that she is about to become a much better version of herself. And that she should lean in to her ideals of hard work, consistency, and compassion. Those guiding principles will help and the growing pains will be a bit less painful.
Looking back at difficult seasons of life shouldn’t have to be drudgery. We all have them and we are all hopefully learning something. My dad calls it building character. Build and growth periods are always tough, but that’s what we should embrace about them. They show us the strength we actually possess.
If you could call a past version of yourself, when would you call and what would you say? Until next time, be well friends!
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