May is Mental Health Awareness Month and I will be publishing content that focuses on mental health topics. To read past posts, click on the Mental Health tab under the Dimensions of Wellness Menu.
Hello Wellness Warriors! I know some of you may be surprised by the title of this post. I usually err on the side of caution, but I think that this one piece of advice warrants the label of “best.”
And I am also not going to do any start-of-post provisos either. Here it is. The absolute best piece of wellness advice I have. So now that you are one the edge of your seat, here it is:
Speak to yourself with kindness.
That’s it. It sounds amazingly simple, but so many of us struggle with it. And I am not in any way suggesting that I don’t struggle or am perfect in this respect. What I have gotten better with over time is recognizing when I am not speaking kindly to myself.
So, why is this so important? Because our thoughts matter. Our thoughts are essentially words that we tell ourselves about whatever is going on around and within us. When we speak unkindly to and about ourselves, we are setting the foundation for what we will believe about ourselves.
When we believe that our bodies are too fat/thin/straight/curvy/whatever, physical activity becomes a burden and Physical Health suffers. When we believe that we aren’t worth love or acceptance, we stop seeking connections and our Social and Emotional Health suffers. When we believe that we aren’t capable of handling a task, our Occupational and Financial Health suffers. All of these have Mental Health implications above and beyond the initial damage done by speaking the unkind words.
How do we learn to speak to ourselves with kindness, though? Again, I’m still learning myself, but here are some things that have worked for me.
It is important to remember that you are not who you are on your very best day. We are seeing a lot of curated best days, which are much more rare than social media wants you to think. Best days give you memories to hold on to and goals to aspire to.
On the flip side, you also aren’t who you are on your worst days either. We all have crappy days, probably more than we’d like to admit. But when a bad day strikes, it is important to remember two things. First, sometimes circumstances just stink and that isn’t your fault. Breathe and try to move forward. Second, how you handle a bad day or a rough patch says more about you than the bad day itself. If you aren’t happy with how you dealt with something, instead of berating yourself, ask how you might make a more productive choice next time. Because there will be a next time.
Speaking with kindness doesn’t always have to mean rainbows and unicorns either. Sometimes life deals you a set of circumstances that, well, just suck. We all have them at some point or another. Or maybe you have built yourself a foundation of negativity for so long that you aren’t sure how to get out.
Sometimes neutral is the best you can do. And recognizing that is, in fact, kind. Instead of trying to jump right to, “I love my thighs and can’t wait to wear a swimsuit!” you can try, “My legs take me all the places I need to go.” This simple statement of fact isn’t outrageously positive, but it’s a small step in the direction of acceptance.
Allowing ourselves the freedom to recognize when we are struggling, and to do so without judgement, is a massively kind act to ourselves. Spiraling down an, “I’m not good enough,” or, “I can’t do anything right,” path will only sap your Mental energy.
Think about it like this: Using self defeating language is like trying to use a screwdriver to hammer a nail. You might eventually get the job done, but it is going to be a lot more tedious and take a ton more energy. Instead, try to find the hammer in your toolbox.
Allow yourself to say, “I am struggling.” Just naming it can sometimes help lift some of the mental burden. But don’t stop there. Ask yourself to name one thing that you are proud of or grateful for. It doesn’t have to be related to the struggles, but the simple act of reminding ourselves that there are good brings it back to kindness.
When you can start speaking kindly to and about yourself, a whole world of possibilities opens. Again, don’t feel the need to jump in whole hog. Start with neutral language and gradually add in positive statements that feel authentic. And if you are truly struggling, ask for help. Talking it out with a supportive friend is almost always uplifting. And a qualified professional is there to help you find the right tools for your toolbox.
Until next time, be well friends!
