May is Mental Health Awareness month and I will be publishing content that focuses on mental health topics. To read past posts, click on the Mental Health tab under the Dimensions of Wellness Menu.
Hello Warriors, I hope you are well. I’d like to kick off Mental Health Awareness month with a bit about what it is like living with anxiety. I’ve mentioned before that I have dealt with this for most of my adult life and I’ve hinted a few times that it has manifested in more concerning ways over the last year. While my experience is my own and I don’t want this to come across as a blanket summary for all sufferers, I do think it is valuable to discuss individual experiences as a way to normalize and destigmatize mental health topics.
Anxiety is, well, it’s a bit like being Alexander. Alexander starts off lamenting the state of things as he gets ready for the day. He feels left out when his older brothers get toys in their cereal and the sneakers they like later. He feels ignored when he doesn’t get a good carpool seat and when his mom forgets to put dessert in his lunch. He gets yelled at for ridiculous things (like singing too loudly). And he relays all this via the emotional conga-line stream of thoughts running through his head.
Dealing with anxiety is waking up and realizing that it is going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day and then oscillating between giving in to the universe or fighting to reclaim center. Sure, Alexander could have started off the day with a more positive mindset and taken a few deep breaths when he needed a minute instead of yelling at his friend. But when anxiety has it’s claws in you, those things can be very difficult.
Like Alexander, it is hard to see that punching someone isn’t right because they name called. They did you dirty and since your feelings are hurt, there must be reparations! The emotions take over and lock down in a cycle of I-am-right-and-you-are-wrong. And it isn’t always possible to see that someone else was hurt, physically or emotionally.
Anxiety, for me, is all about trying to find the balance where I can feel my feelings, but not allow them to control me. When my emotions control me, I am not awesome to be around. I am grumpy, cranky, and hard to please. When my emotions control me, I also tend to try and control everything else. Because when emotions are driving the bus, I feel out of control.
When I am striking the balance well, I am strong and centered. I tend to be more amenable to changes in plans and less likely to shut things down or out. And the real deal with anxiety is that when things are chugging along well, everything is fine. Until it isn’t. Sometimes it is a legit straw breaking the camel’s back, too.
See, anxiety seizes on emotions and then uses those to gaslight you. When anxiety has you in its grip, often times it is difficult to see the forest through the trees. Facts, objectivity, and realities, become skewed by the emotional state you are operating under. Low levels of frustration become raging anger with a very slight provocation. Sadness can become torrents of tears or long lasting melancholy.
But funnily enough, this is where I found one of the huge keys in helping me manage day to day anxiety. Between full blown emotion and cold hard fact lies wisdom. Wisdom is the place where feelings are allowed to exist and be, but they aren’t able to cloud the reality happening. I can feel hurt but not take it out on the individual who maybe did the hurting. I can feel sad without spiraling or fearful without the need to control everything.
As I’ve touched on over the years, there are a couple of key practices I use to help me maintain my wisdom center. The first is daily movement of some kind. I have planned workouts, but I try to move a little bit every single day. Outside when I can. Keeping a gratitude journal has been something that has literally changed how I view the world and always serves as a good mood double check. Regular meditation is something I have come to rely on as the break my brain often needs.
And when those things don’t work, you can find me in Australia.
Until next time, be well friends!
