May is Mental Health Awareness month and I will be publishing content that focuses on mental health topics. To read past posts, click on the Mental Health tab under the Dimensions of Wellness Menu
Hi Warriors! Mental Health topics tend to focus on actual diagnosable issues (read my previous article on living with anxiety) or self care. Both of these are important areas; destigmatizing mental health makes care easier to seek and it is important to find habits that help maintain a balance. One area that gets lost in the shuffle, though, is mindset.
Mindset often gets talked about with respect to anyone training for a specific goal. But our mindset affects many aspects of our lives. The specific mindset trap I’d like to address is all or nothing thinking.
All or nothing thinking involves making blanket assumptions about future outcomes based on current conditions. When life is going well and breezing along, it can be the tendency to think that things will keep going in that direction. And the opposite is true. When life is tough, it is easy to fall into the catastrophizing trap of assuming that everything stinks.
In my world of fitness, I tend to see this a lot specifically relating to diet and exercise. New Year’s goals are the biggest culprit and I’ve talked about it before. We head into the gym gung-ho and after a few weeks of soreness and struggle, we throw in the towel. Ditto for diet changes. Or, maybe this sounds familiar, “I’ll start on Monday.” Until Monday, it is a complete free-for-all with the expectation that you’ll be locking that ish down in a few days.
The mindset that you either need to be doing everything (all) or you have failed and it no longer matters (nothing) creates feedback loops in behavior. Neither of which are useful or move us forward. This mindset, and it’s two extremes, can spiral into fixed thought patterns and disordered behavior.
The “all” side of the equation has its foundation in perfectionism. The idea that if everything isn’t completed exactly correctly or just so you have completely failed. Things that we see in the media (and social media especially) can underscore this pattern. The old, “if they can do it perfectly then so can I,” conundrum.
Perfectionism loves to gaslight us. Perfectionists assume they are being judged by others and act to reduce discomfort associated with that. Nobody is perfect. We all have things we excel at and things that don’t come very easily. We all make mistakes, even with the things we do well. So, why do we believe that we need to be perfect following a diet or exercise program for it to be successful? It should be easy to see how this feedback loop can lead to overexercising, focusing on calorie management, restricted eating and potentially disordered habits.
The ”nothing” side of the spectrum also roots in perfectionism. Or maybe, more correctly, the rejection of perfectionism. Instead of acting to dissuade perceived judgement, here there is a degree of leaning in. The individual stuck in the “nothing” mindset sees the feedback that in fact nobody is paying attention. In the extreme, this can result in heedlessness, reckless decision making, carelessness, and even complete negligence.
In neither extreme can we become the best version of ourselves. In both extremes we are hampered and unable to make progress towards goals or grow as people. In between “all” or “nothing,” though, lies reality and acceptance. And here is where we want to be.
Reality reminds us that we can’t control everything and when we try to (all) we usually fail and can end up worse off than before. Acceptance reminds us that while we are not being watched or judged, we still have to responsibility to act with care while acknowledging that sometimes we screw up.
So, regardless of your own goals or life circumstances, make sure you can spot all or nothing thinking in your life. When you can spot it, you can remind yourself what is actually important so you can focus on those areas and start to give yourself grace.
Until next time, be well friends!
