Hello Warriors! I’ve been unpacking some ways that fitness/exercise/health/wellness practitioners can gatekeep wellness. You can check out the intro here and the first post here. This week, I’d like to chat about chatting.
Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me. I think every kid who was ever bullied was told this at one point. But every kid who was bullied knows something important: words can (and often do) hurt. What we say and how we say it can have a huge impact.
Have you ever wondered why I refer to you, awesome reader, as “warrior” or “friend?” It’s on purpose. I am well aware that my core audience is women, however; that doesn’t mean that there aren’t some readers who aren’t or who don’t identify as such. Without getting into the politics of things, I look at it as my responsibility to address my audience in an inclusive way.
It’s easy as a group exercise leader, for example, to address using a phrase like, “OK, guys, let’s get ready!” Most of the time, as this phrasing is a common part of vernacular, at least in the US, it just comes out that way. I would wager that the majority of instances that this occurs is not intended to be hurtful. But that’s problematic.
It shows that we aren’t thinking enough about our positions as leaders of some kind. When students walk into your class or clients come for a session, they should feel safe and welcome. Of course, over time, we get to know individuals and hopefully make appropriate corrections.
But it doesn’t change the fact that we are leaders of a sort. Sure, most of our clients are probably looking to us for responsible exercise and diet advice. But what we say matters. These individuals are paying for our services and that shouldn’t include what might be viewed as lip service.
Good and bad are words that create a mental minefield. Every client or student is looking for the best diet or the best way to exercise. But these words are loaded and it’s a short hop, skip, and jump from, “this exercise is good,” to, “I am not good enough because I can’t do that exercise.” And what we as practitioners perceive as “good” may be inappropriate for a client and construed as a judgement.
Comments on bodies should be approached with a huge amount of caution. It is one thing to discuss the body in reference to current ability and goals with a new client. And even that conversation might be harmful (recovering ED individuals or LGBTQ+ and POC and Western body standards). Even simple comments on weight, though, might uncover something painful. Maybe someone’s weight has changed due to physical or mental illness. Regardless of reason, commenting in any way can indicate that you found them lacking before (or now). Super uncool.
Of course, as I outlined above, there are certain triggering words, but this has a broader application, too. I don’t start the beginning of any semester with new students giving them personal details. I do want to get to know my students on a one-on-one basis, so I do give them an overview of who I am. And then I sort of sit back for a few weeks and observe.
We’ve all had clients who are there for just the facts Jack. They don’t want anything else and that’s fine, but we also have to respect their boundaries. Oversharing with these types of clients might make them very uncomfortable. They might feel as though they need to reciprocate and maybe they are in a situation where that asks too much of them. They may choose not to return.
On the flip side, we’ve all also had clients who are more interested in spilling the tea than anything else. Sharing details might be fun at first, but after a while, sessions become more about gossip than working towards a goal. The client is more interested in personal details than professional ones. We’ve violated our own boundaries and created a situation where we as practitioners may be uncomfortable. Which in turn might affect the advice we give.
Beyond the advice we give, our words are extremely powerful. We have the ability to influence how someone views their health, wellness, habits, or body. We can provide the springboard for huge changes by cultivating respect, trust, and teamwork with our words. We can also be the source of pain, struggle, or shame.
A word or phrase that may seem innocuous to us may be word or phrase that has a client leaving a review on your services. If you want the 5 star review, choose your words carefully.
Until next time, be well friends!
