We are nearing the end of the first month of the year and this is the time that every health club manager and gym goer notices attrition. The past two weeks I’ve spent some time talking about practical methods to keep motivation high and stay on track. This week, I want to address the very real frustration of comparison.
Comparison comes in many forms, especially in the fitness and wellness world. Just the simple act of asking a friend what workout program or diet has them looking so great is an act of comparison. Because for many of us, the underlying thought behind that is, “Am I doing something wrong?” Or possibly, “I can be doing better.”
With wellness and fitness goals we compare ourselves to others. I could bang on about how easy social media makes those comparisons, but you guys know that, I won’t make you read it again. Often we buddy up for our fitness goals and while that is a good strategy, it can backfire if we allow the comparison monster to creep in. A diet or workout that you were excited about doesn’t work as well for you as it might for your buddy. Blame genetics or lifestyle or any of a thousand other factors. But the comparison monster demands to know why and how to fix it.
We also compare ourselves to past versions of ourselves. This is a really tricky one because often fitness goals come with the inherent idea of improving something about ourselves. So it is necessary to compare. Why else do personal trainers ask clients to get on the scale or have a body composition analysis done? But this can backfire, too. Maybe we are envisioning ourselves as we were years ago when we felt we were younger/thinner/stronger/insert your adjective of choice. After the “lose weight and tone up” goal, the thing I heard most as a personal trainer was, “I want to be x and I will be happier.” Or some similar version.
Mark Twain said it best. “Comparison is the thief of joy.” The minute we compare, whether to another person or a past version of ourselves, we have robbed ourselves of happiness. We have taken our eyes off our own prize and put it on someone else’s.
The most important questions to ask yourself as you re-evaluate your goals are these. First, are you moving towards your goal(s)? If the answer is yes, then try to remind yourself that everyone has their own speed on their wellness journey. It isn’t always something we can control either. Remember that the tortoise ultimately wins the race. Keep the finish line in mind, but don’t let the pace control you.
Second, are the processes you are using working for you? Meaning, is the workout routine you picked something you enjoy or do you just tolerate it? If you just tolerate it, there is no shame is making a mid-course correction. Same thing for diet and nutrition practices. If you want fitness and wellness changes to stick, the process can’t be something you simply tolerate.
Third, whose values are reflected in your current frustration? Many people employ the help of diet services for weight loss endeavors (i.e. Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers). These are super helpful organizations and there are many benefits. But many of these organizations have standards by which they assume a client is making appropriate progress. Usually in the neighborhood of 1-2 pounds lost per week. While that is a medically safe rate, it is comparison my friends. And who should decide what appropriate progress is?
The answer to that question is always you. You decide what appropriate progress is. And that decision should be made by you alone (except if the goal is medically necessary and then just you and your doctor). Without influence or comparison. Your goals should reflect your values and not anyone else’s. Society likes to tell us, and especially women, how we should look, act, and feel. But you choose whether to buy in or not. Don’t second guess your progress just because society says it’s too slow. Or fast. Or too whatever.
How do you deal with comparison and stay true to your goals? Tell us about it in the comments!
