Howdy Warriors! Hope you are well. I want to chat today about something I run into a lot working with clients and students. There isn’t a trainer around (at least not one worth their hourly cost) who doesn’t ask about a client’s goals. But something we don’t often ask about and clients don’t often express are the expectations of the goal.
We live in a social media world of before and afters. Before is dressed in ill-fitting clothing, with a scowl or defeated expression, and often poorly posed. After is clad in revealing but flattering gear, smiling ear to ear, and showing off their best model pose. After must be happier, healthier, more confident. Heck, After probably has more friends, goes to cooler events, and drives a more awesome car.
It doesn’t matter what the before and after pictures are trying to sell you (weight loss, muscle gain). Because what they are really trying to sell is the expectation that you will be a more awesome person as soon as you become an After. And we fall for it. Over and over again.
We all want to feel happier, more successful, cooler. And many of us (yours truly included) have approached health-based goals with the intention that we will do The Thing as soon as we reach the goal.
You know what I mean… I will take that vacation when I lose 20 pounds. I will finally be able to meet someone when my butt or waist is a certain size or shape. I will get to be the cool friend when I look like the Muscle and Fitness dudes.
Those expectations are part of our motivation and also why motivation tends to ebb and flow. As soon as we are in the middle of a tough week of gym sessions or struggling to make new nutrition habits stick through life, our brain has to make some difficult decisions. Do we wake up an hour early to get a workout in? Do we have the bandwidth to meal plan or prep?
Often when we are relying on the expectation of emotion, our brains decide that the more important things to focus on are the here and now. Motivation flags and the desire to move towards the goal goes right along with it.
Expectation of emotion is exactly that: emotional. It isn’t rational or logical. It isn’t based on sound reasoning. Emotion is also fleeting. We have all had those days where we go from happy to angry in the blink of an eye. Emotions tend to be reactionary. What is happening in the world right now causes an experience which in turn creates an emotion.
Goals, though, are the opposite. Or should be. Goals are objective (there is an external way to measure progress). Goals are rational. We all know what we should be doing to achieve lasting weight loss. Logic is more steadfast than emotion. But logic isn’t fun the way emotional expectation can be.
Which is why it can be difficult to keep going when you need to access sound reasoning. This is also why I recommend that when you are goal setting, you take the extra time to find the deeper why. A twenty-pound weight loss is a perfectly fine goal. But it becomes an achievable goal when the why behind it is being able to play with your kids longer.
We need the emotional expectation of what a goal can possibly bring. But we also need to be careful that our emotional expectations line up with our realities and values. Changing the appearance of your body (weight gain, weight loss, body recomp, etc) is fine if the goal is rooted in emotions that align with value. Playing with kiddos, lowering reliance on medication, managing chronic conditions, and creating lasting habits are just some value rooted ideas.
Relying on external factors to determine value is always the tripping point. There will always be someone more awesome, with a cooler car, with a thinner waist, bigger butt, or more shredded. The fitness industry will always change the finish line on what is attractive so they can continue making money.
Finding those internal value rooted emotions to guide goal setting and decision making are the key in halting the vicious cycle. Once the goal and expectations align with your values, nothing can stop you!
Until next time, be well friends!
